We all have Divine Guidance inside of us, and despite many’s beliefs its very accessible. Some call it a gut feeling, following your heart, or having faith. The first time I followed my intuition I hadn’t even heard of the word intuition. At that point I felt very compelled to make a drastic change in my life, one that many didn’t understand, including myself at the time. I was in a loving, supportive, stable relationship for about a year and a half when I started having this strong gut feeling that I needed to end it. For the first week or two I tried ignoring it, thinking maybe this was hormonal and wondering if I was going a little crazy. The man I was with had helped me grow, learn, and begin to love myself when I had been stuck in a dark place. It wouldn’t be fair of me to end our relationship after he had helped me so much, and I still loved him and enjoyed being with him. I tried to rationalize staying with him anyway I could. But the more I tried to ignore these internal nudges the more down I began to feel. I felt like I was being unfaithful to him, lying to him by not being clear on my feelings. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was also being unfaithful to myself. I spent hours discussing my feelings with various friends, trying to get as many different perspectives as I could on the situation. At the end it didn’t matter what any of my well-meaning friends said. I needed to take action so I would no longer feel so dark and heavy. The day I ended that relationship was hard, unplanned, and full of sadness. As he walked away I began to feel fear, wondering if I had made a huge mistake. I also felt an intense amount of guilt, knowing how hurt and confused he was by my sudden decision. I am a very empathetic person, to those interested in astrology I am a true Pisces. That being said, I have issues being unkind to strangers, so causing someone I love pain was tearing me apart. It also didn’t help that when I tried to explain my thought process to others, many of them considered me crazy and insensitive. Others’ reactions helped me learn a crucial lesson though, that the way others’ perceive you has much more to do with their own life experience than your own. Just because someone else sees you as mean, stupid, silly, or crazy, does not mean that you are! Everyone in this life is perceiving situations through their own eyes with no knowledge of your inner guidance or the way your life path is unfolding.
As the months unfolded, lessons were learned, feelings were felt deeper than I wanted, and emotions were tumbled, but I started to feel stronger. Books came into my life that discussed intuition, describing an inner guidance that has the ability to guide us on our path of least resistance and help us connect to our most authentic self. I started to accept that maybe I wasn’t crazy, but had actually taken a very important step on my spiritual path. It was around this time that I started journaling lightly, writing out my thoughts on why I was guided to do this. I found a lot of positives and realized that it was necesary for both of us to continue to grow and be the best version of ourselves, even if we couldn’t see that at the time.
Now it’s almost three years post-breakup and I enjoy looking back on this time. It makes me proud of myself that I honored my intuition and truly put myself first, and I can see how much more compassionate I have become with myself. After spending many years dealing with body image and self-esteem issues, speaking to myself with violence and anger, my ex-boyfriend helped me to see the goodness within me. He emphasized my inner beauty as well as my appearance, although it was much harder for me to accept his compliments on my physical experience. I had gotten to the point in my life where I needed to truly learn to love myself, without being reassured by others constantly. The past couple of years have been filled with many experiences that have allowed me to practice self-love, compassion and kindness. A huge part of practicing self-love has been to honor my intuition, not giving my attention or energy to what others think about my actions. This has also helped me drop my judgements on others, knowing that we are all just living this life to the best of our ability. We are growing and learning and changing, we deserve flexibility to explore our thoughts, change our minds, and to allow others the same room.
The more I have followed my intuition over the years the stronger and more clear my guidance has become. Now I have fun with it, driving without a GPS and seeing where I end up and man I have been ending up in some beautiful places lately. When I feel inclined to talk to a stranger I do so, because you never know who may need a smile, a little boost in their faith in humanity. I have met some amazing people this way and have had uplifting conversations, learning and laughing, both of us benefiting. I’m trying to take this a little farther in my teaching, calling the hard pose when I feel pushed to do so, because if my intuition is guiding me to do it, someone in the room probably needs it. Now I’m letting my intuition guide my writing. Instead of overthinking my writing I have been trying to start with the first topic that comes into my mind and allowing it to flow. I believe my intuition guides me to help others, in many different ways. So today I got real, I got vulnerable, and then I almost deleted it all. This is personal stuff and I got scared that maybe I shouldn’t share it, maybe the people reading it would judge me for sharing so openly on the internet. But then I smiled, laughed a bit and realized this was just another opportunity for me to get over the fear of being judged. So take what you will from this post, share with someone you feel could use it, and start honoring your intuition.
Love and light,